adoration, love, and inevitability.

you have a smile that makes the word weak,

it never fails to bring me to my knees.

and its true, love, that day by day,

youve done nothing less than take my breath away.

and its because of you that my smile is real,

and for once i have no doubt in what i feel,

its been so long since i trusted someone so fast,

ill do whatever it takes to make this last.

because you put the stars back into my night sky,

and in my dreams with im flying so high,

past the clouds, headfirst into eternity,

relishing the euphoria of your love for me,

you bring out the sun when its nothing but rain,

something that no one can do the same,

youve been nothing but magic from the very start,

its amazing all this love youve put in my heart

hello there love, i just needed to say,

that as i was thinking of you, on the cold winters day,

something which i always do,

yes, my thoughts are undeniably you.

i was greeted most abruptly by the moon

and a soft, sad song he began to croon,

and i asked him why he seemed so blue.

and he told me the reason, that reason was you!

well you can believe my surprise at this shocking fact

and hastily i began my act.

i questioned the moon on what crime you pursued

to make the magical rock so blue,

he replied to me with an impish grin

and said your crime was complete perfection.

he went on to say how your eyes outshined

all of his most radient stars combined

and i smiled to myself at the time

and said well, that boy is mine,

and you can wish with all your might

but ill hold on to that boys love so tight,

that even your magic can't steal him away from me,

because in my heart's where hes supposed to be.

and i sit here, my mind reeling with such revelation

that it leaves me breathless, vulnerable and kneeling.

my fingertips and heart numb of all feeling.

hollow, deeper than empty and yet full.

full of an epiphany that ive run away from for far too long.

and i sit, much too weak to stand but not enough to lay down and die,

and here i am watching, observing the corruption which we so shamefully call humanity,

a society in which reality is warped into something far more twisted than whats real,

like a nightmare, one that pulls you down so deep you choke,

unable to feel the suns warmth or even catch a glimpse of the nights stars.

this is it, this is your utter downfall, you.

you are the one responsible for your own demise

a thought so personal that theres a sickening calm to the suicide.

almost as if it were subconciously premeditated, and who knows, perhaps it was.

this is it, what the universe has been secretly washing into our slumbering minds,

what weve so long been trained for, a war on humanity, a war against ourselves.

the ultimate test to our own self control, and it is an inevitability that we will lose

because this is the fate in which we choose.

heartbroken.

my heart is aching, god, so slowly it's breaking,
i'm crushed and trapped and yours for the taking.
youre eyes decieve me, im hardly breathing,
and the words you say don't aid the healing.
my trust you shattered, my thoughts are scattered, my mind so battered,
by such a deception, its out of the question to go a minute without a tear.
i'm crushed down and silently bleeding,
and inside my ears i continue this screaming,
in betrayl, sorrow, rage and fear,
my heart's cracking so loud, everyone can hear.

and oh dear god, how did this happen,
take me out of this cage im trapped in,
humanity has lost all its compassion,
its obvious with all these corrupted actions.
i can't fathom a completely sane reaction,
all i want to do is take her face and bash it.

youve done this to me, broken me down,
left me crying so much the world lost all sound,
you can't even begin to make a comprehension,
of the pain i feel and the bulding tension,
it's like i'm walking down the row to a death sentance,
and what you're doing is looking for repention,
and you would think my heart would yearn for vengeance,
but i'm not something this world invented.

i don't think with a corrupted outlook, perspective,
i wear my heart on my sleeve where it's barely protected.
and this feeling just spreads through me like an infection,
draining me of my breath as you seek redemption.
there must have been some kind of misconception
for you to have followed out with such a deception.

and while the days pass, slowly i'll climb,
to breath again and take a step at a time,
because i refuse to let this world break me,
you can wear me down but you will never take me.

dark.

liar, liar
body on fire
the glass tastes bloody,
so chew it louder.

- - -

miss mary mack, mack, mack,
all dressed in black, black, black,
she has a knife, knife, knife,
stuck in her back, back, back,
she cannot breathe, breathe, breathe,
she cannot cry, cry, cry,
thats why she begs, begs, begs,
she begs to die, die, die.

MORE WRITING.

and when she screams my imagination runs wild ,

the innocence in her eyes is that of a childs

and the bloodlust that fills my eyes is expressed

through her screaming until it dies

and all that remains after this hellish demise

is a bloodless corpse and a note left aside,

life is but a bitter sweet procrastination

to your inevitable annihilation '

- - -

and as the moon embraced me with its beauty and lit the sky with its light,

and the stars scattered across the night sky like precious jewels,

spread among its black canvas like an admonishing smile,

i was filled with the realization of there still being magic

in this world full of corruption and brutality

and that despite the cruelties of the society in which we so shamefully live in today,

there will always be magic and miracles among us in life's most beautiful and simple of things

- - -

a girl like this comes only once in a blue moon,
that smile that brightens up the world, and transfixes a room,
however, her only problems this,
she wears her heart on her sleeve and fresh cuts on her wrist.

- - -

take my soul and let it sleep,
let it sleep in peace and harmony.
it's a request you've never fulfilled,
and i'm begging you now with my tears,
can i convey to you the corruption i've seen,
can i tolerate this insanity a moment longer.

it's a simple answer, no.

take me away and cradle me,
embrace me with a love i've not experienced,
show me a friendship that has not fallen,
one that is whole, and not shattered.
drown me in a love that has not been stabbed,
with jagged edges of jealousy or hate coming forth from its depths.
drown me in something more than sorrow.
drown me in happiness.

open my eyes to a newer world, one where my hand is never empty.
lead me down a path that turns its eyes away from the pain.
enlighten me, surround me, suffocate me, kill me.
because it's what you've done before.
filling my heads with foolish ideals and foley.
the only way out being a quiet, and endless sleep.

just take me away, take me away from here, please.
dear you, sincerely me.

- - -

id like to tell the world a little secret,
when i give you my heart i expect you to keep it,
as in keep it safe, sound, and away from pain,
and never treat it as a game.
i expect you to love me and hold me tight
and steer us away from petty fights,
i expect a love that could steal my breath
and drain me of passion 'till there's nothing left.
your eyes give me butterflies so strong they bring me to my knees,
and i hear the birds singing perched in the trees,
and so many of these stars blinded my eyes
when you told me how you hate to see me cry.
the moment i saw you i was hypnotized
and i miss you before weve even said goodbye.
i try so hard to make you see
how honest love is supposed to be,
but something tells me youre still guarding your heart
and i feel like it's going to push us apart.
its so hard for me to do anything but frown,
on these morbid days when you let me down,
because youre the boy who can make or break my days,
with something as simple as what you say.
its days like these that give my heart all these cracks,
because i feel like i'm reaching out only to be pushed back.
a sensitive heart that just cries to be loved,
coveted and cherished and thought precious of,
i want to drown in your voice, touch and kiss,
but for you to see me, its like i have to insist,
maybe it's my mind playing a trick on me,
but i don't feel as important as i want to be.
yearning for consideration to my fragile soul,
i want you to love me and never let me go.

RANDOM WRITING CONTINUED.

numb and hollow and rooted to the ground,

i'm trying to scream but i can't make a sound,

i'm scared, terrified to the point that i'm shaking,

it's burning so bad that i'm silently breaking.

why don't you kill me, to this day you've built me,

and god, how you fill me, it burns when you touch me,

but jesus you fucked me! you want a taste, then hurry and cut me.

i've parted the clouds, my mind sick with realization,

my fingers reaching up to somewhere forbidden,

help me, oh god i'm falling so fast,

my sould twisted up and trapped in the past,

instead of saving you, i died with you,

took an oath and lied to you, cried for you,

writhed for you, ached so much inside for you.

honestly i've lost all truth, swallowed up all too soon,

loosing sense in what to do,

swimming through all this devestation

as my mind reels with complications.

shadows move their way into my world full of dreams,

devouring stars and clouds and leaving toxic in their place.

black, writhing tar that i sink so far down into that i can't see any escape.

and where are my angels, the ones who take my hand and chase away my fears

with showers of kisses upon my face? they've fallen.

their wings turned black as the monster drag them down, and i cry.

i cry because i see your face and i'm reaching towards it,

only to remember you've vanished for good as i'm swallowed away.

it's kind of quiet here, inside your heart.
but it's warm and safe, so i think i'll stay a while.
and you can pull back the curtains to let the sun in, but i should remind you
that the sun could never compare to the warmth of your smile as you look at me.
and the cycle repeats itself, you kiss me gently,
and the chills reach from the tips of my toes to the very top of my head,
and i'm burdened by those butterflies all over again.
it's okay, though, because if they're from you, then i welcome each one.
and as i settle in to rest my eyes, nestled in the deepest part of your love,
i replace each star in the sky with your eyes,
so that the world's night sky can be lit by something truly magical.

RANDOM WRITING, FTMFW.

floating through the stars, my head empty of all oxygen and living on nothing but passion as i soar through the universe, eyes shut tight, thoughts wide open. i open my eyes and i realize the feeling is just me, held in his loving embrace. you've given me the universe, and i've given you my heart. we've been heels over head in love from the start.

open your chest wide, with my love, i'll fill it to the brim.
just hold my hand, i can take you somewhere you've never imagined.
i am hoping that tonight will be the night,
where a shooting star shoots my way to grant my deepest wish.

your smile happens to make the sun jealous,
that the stars can't ever compare to your eyes,
and that your voice is like the sweetest song,
that when you kiss me, or your hand holds mine,
i completely melt, only to resurface, then melt all
over again because of how amazing it feels to hear
you call me beautiful, that youve got me under a spell
i just happen to be unable to shake off, not that i want to.

POETRY SESSION; take two.

before i looked into your eyes my world was dark,
black and writhing with nightmares and tears
but then you blinded me with brilliance,
stunned my eyes in your embrace, burning my skin with your love,
and when you were gone my eyes only saw stars,
a vast expanse of magic, reminding me of who you are,
burning with brilliance and eternally mine,
a beautiful, bright scar, through my dark and twisted mind.

- - - - - - - -

her eyes plead and her body shakes,
she's yearning and screaming for one last taste,
monsters are grabbing and dragging her down,
for one last touch she is willing to drown,
you wretched, unworthy filth of a whore,
you lay on your back, crying for more,
how do you feel as you lay in their bed,
eyes glazed over, legs fully spread,
i'd love to know how you feel, you bitch,
once the both of you have settled your itch,
do you cry at night with thoughts of this?
how you've sold your soul for tasteless bliss,

and when people stare and whisper of you,
it's not of who you are, but of what you do.

that you'll never amount to anything, whore,
you're just as useless as the dirt on the floor,
you must have the ugliest, bruised up knees,
because everyone knows how you like to please,
it doesn't matter how much you choke,
you'll swallow it down like a bottle of coke,
just lay back down and open your legs,
and as he's pounding you, do nothing but beg,

then bitch when he leaves, once he puts on his coat,
i hope to fucking god that you slit your throat.

- - - - - - - -

count your blessings bitch,
cus you're running out of time,
if you can't handle shit,
then you shouldn't do the crime,
i'm gonna tell you this once, and only once this time,
watch your fucking back cus you aren't worth a dime,
i've told you time and time again, this was your last chance,
so now i'm gonna laugh while i watch you fucking dance,
shut the fuck up cus everything out your mouth is a lie,
im gonna take a gun to your head and smile while i say goodbye,

youre crying to me that loosing love hurts so bad,
tell me you fuck, how can you loose something we never had.

i'll spit in your face while you beg this to end,
and then i'll let you in on how i fucked your best friend.

i'll put the gun in your mouth, pull the trigger back and smile,
and when the blast goes off, your soul will sink down for miles,
and i'll laugh because the best thing about you being dead,
is that six feet under the ground you can't ever bullshit me again.

I FUCKING HATE YOU SO MUCH SOMETIMES;

YOU MAKE ME SICK.

do you know what pisses me the fuck off? having a boyfriend who does all of the following :

-------------------------------

flirts with every other girl and then denies he does any of it when you ask about it.

has the nerve to bitch at you when you call your FRIEND something like babe.

has the nerve to constantly bitch about how he thinks you'll cheat on him when he flirts with every girl.

has the nerve to complain about you wanting to see his phone, or something like that, even though he knows hes wrong.

when you go out of your way to make sure they are happy, but when it comes to your feelings, youre always feeling like shit.

when its all about him, all the damn time. no matter what youre ALWAYS cheering him up or making sure his feelings are alright. what the fuck.

when you give 150 percent into the relationship, do all kinds of things, and you feel like he is barely giving 15 percent in.

lies to his friends about being busy before youre even going out with him, so that all of your friends start to hate you because they think youre the one making him lie to them.

never hangs out with his friends cus he hangs out with you then bitches about not hanging out with his friends.

doesnt go anywhere with you except his house or yours, and maybe, very rarely another friends house.

picks fights with you for no other reason then him thinking its funny.

takes advantage of all the nice shit you do for them.

you constantly do shit for them, take them into consideration, and their feelings and they step on you.

when they make it out to make it look like youre the bad guy, all the damn time
when they lie so much that you have already stopped hoping they would keep their word.

when they constantly say they will change and then as always, never do.

when they know they're wrong and shit but instead of apologizing they decide to be assholes and make you feel like shit.

when they take consideration for other peoples feelings over yours.

how they say you both are best friends and shit, but doesnt act like it.

when they say that you come before anyone, and then puts other people's feelings in front of yours.

when they say,' i dont understand what i did wrong,' when its fucking obvious.

when they dismiss how pissed you are and have the nerve to act like its overreacting.

when they dont own up to what theyre doing wrong and stop it so that it doesnt lead up to something more.

how they say shit to other people that should only be between each other.

how they call other people your nicknames.

how they do shit that only you two did together with other people.

how they lie out of their fucking ass about everything, instead of telling the truth like you both agreed you could do.

how they have the nerve to then act like everything's okay, when they know it's definately not.

how even before you were both going out, you were busting your ass to make them happy and they still dont realize how much shit you went through for them.

the list goes on and fucking on, but the worst part is that after we've broken up and decided to stay best friends, you still are the same lying person, who never means anything he says, and i'm finally starting to see you won't ever change.

a good relationship should be one where you have trust in the other person, and don't have to constantly be suspicious of whether or not they are lying. you shouldn't have to want to rip their freaking heads off and they should make you feel like you have to keep trying harder even though your working yourself to the bone to keep things okay. fuck that shit.

WARNING, FUCKFACES.

OHHEYHEADSUP,YEAH?

@#$%^!?

all the shit on here is MINE.

pictures taken by me, found by me,

and words MADE BY ME.

don't copy and paste my shit,

or you'll be dealing with something worse than a lawsuit.

me.

MORE TO COME.

` and when i close my eyes and spread my wings ;

i really do believe that im flying . maybe im not in reality ,

but in my dreams , im soaring past the stars

- destiny mariah isabella f.

she's streaming with love,

it's filtering through her skin.
- destiny mariah isabella f.

` honey, look in the mirror and tell me what you see ;
you see a monster's face, but i see an angel's wings .

- destiny mariah isabella f.

my thoughts are rising off the ground ;

soaring up until they pass the clouds ;

dancing and shining with the stars before they

spiral back down to concrete floors and metal cars .

- destiny mariah isabella f.

POETRY SESSION.

"Before you, my life was like a moonless night. Very
dark, but there were stars- points of light and
reason. And then you shot across my sky like a meteor.
Suddenly everything was on fire; there was brilliancy,
there was beauty. When you were gone, when
the meteor had fallen over the horizon, everything
went black. Nothing had changed, but my eyes were blinded
by the light. I couldn't see the stars anymore.
And there was no more reason for anything."


- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

ABOUT LOVE.

i feel like everyone is looking down on me today

and the words that i'm sorry, they just don't mean a thing

they all know it was a mistake on me

i'm not perfect, and i never tried to be.

everything feels like it's coming down

like pouring rain covering all around

so many tragedies that turn out okay

we can all see that this isn't that case. this is a mistake.

like the rain that's pouring down

my tears are falling to the ground

because my insides are tight

body and mind shaking with fright

the thought of loosing you tonight

the only thought inside my head

tell me you love me, tell me you care

but is it true, is it really there

been decieved once or twice the same

how do i know it's not another game

you're my everything

my own god's blessing our

words in the air silently carressing

what's life without you in it

what's my world without you to spin it

what's my heart without a beat

nothing, but an empty street

everyone needs a lover, a best friend

someone they can trust to the end

someone to hold them as they cry

and someone who can see past all their lies

you're the person i've grown to adore

with every minute a minute more

my best friend, soul mate and key to my heart

i loved you from the very start.

machine .

` and she's slowly dying inside ;
she's stopped running and has nowhere to hide ;
so she'll hold onto something sharp ,
close her eyes and cradle her heart .
she feels as if she's half human , half machine ;
behind her smiles there has always been screams .

she is , i am .

` im fucked up , a screw up , im cut up , wont shut up ,
she sees it ; i live it , we breathe it , dismiss it .
she screams , i cut , she hits , im fucked ;
im dying , im crying , shes lying and scheming ,
im no longer dreaming ; and no longer breathing ,
im breaking , im falling ; im falling and calling ,
and calling and reaching , and reaching and speaking ,
and speaking and crying and crying and screaming ,
while she's still decieving , decieving and scheming ,
scheming and lying , shes lying , im flying ,
im falling , im soaring , im breaking , im shaking ,
im quaking , shes faking , im crazy , shes lazy ,
shes judging , im cutting , im starving , im running ,
shes chasing , im slipping , im losing , shes winning ,
she judges and screams , i break at my seams ,
she rests her head , and i fall down dead .

the curtains fall .

` they only see the fake smiles ,
not the screams behind her life ,
they never witness the loss of sanity ,
the corruption that touches her skin ,
she tells her story to the walls of her room ,
relying on comfort from her knife ,
her eyes close and she blocks out their calls ,
she tells her story to a blade and her blood .
and then the curtains slowly fall .

sing it softly .

` i hath sinned upon thyself with the cold teeth of steel ;
i hath allowed thine own blood to pour by thine own hands .
i pray thee lord to forgive me of my trespassed sin ;
i pray to thee , oh lord , if thee is truly listening ;
to forgive me for taking thy gift of thine flesh and
biting it with steel and blade .
forgive thee for having thoughts of early meeting ;
forgive me and allow my heart to cease it's aching .
- - - - - - - - - - - - - singitsoftly .

masquerade .

` throw away the masquerade ,
paper faces on parade ,
porcelain cheeks and glassy eyes ,
lips blood red with all her lies ,
gold beads and black lace ,
a glass rose in a crystal case ,
chandelier lights and a ballroom floor ,
the groom is upstairs with a harlot ; a whore ,
their speaking with their hands ; vows of affair ,
one that the bride is the last to care ,
because she has sins on her corrupted lips ,
where she sealed her deals with more then a kiss ,
their love is as fake as the faces they wear ,
in the same bed is where their sins are shared ,
red wine and a sensual touch ,
theyre both dancing and drinking too much ,
their thoughts are dazed and their minds are blurred ,
with the pull of a trigger , a gun shot is heard ,
the carpet is bloodstained where two bodies lay ,
and a young girl stands still in the doorway ,
tears down her cheeks and anger in her heart ,
it was money and greed that tore them apart ,
the family she once had she could no longer find ,
so next , the gun chose her head , and she lost her mind .

sonnet .

` and i wrote a sonnet for you ,
filled with my feelings of lust and love ,
dripping with truth and torn by envy ,
the stains are my tears , the blood of my sadness ,
beneath the tattered smile i still apply ,
screams stories of lies and deciet ,
as the curtain falls my other side comes out ,
the girl i try to keep buried ,
beneath forced laughs and fake smiles ,
the side of me that is falling deeper every day ,
with a struggle i look myself in the mirror ,
and i see a deep gash along my face ,
a crack ; a long , deep crack in my mask ,
bleeding with insecurities and fears ,
i can see that i am breaking ,
that i have been worn down and cast out ,
and yet i am still pushing , i am still alive .

shooting stars .

` things won't get better , i finally know this ,
but thats okay because i will stay strong ,
i will still wish at 11 : 11 and look for shooting stars ,
i will still day dream about neverland and dream of flying cars ,
i will still sing songs while you tear me down ,
ill still believe santa clause and the tooth fairy come around ,
i believe the boogieman is hiding under the bed ,
and i have entire galaxies mapped out in my head ,
i have seen the monsters that are in my closet ,
and i have read of faeries that would fit in your pocket ,
i walk the yellow line in the middle of the streets ,
and when i play marbles , i play for keeps ,
i have the world on my shoulders , and my heart on my sleeve ,
when i walk into your life , i wont ever leave ,
in a world of destruction we need to search our hearts .
and bring ourselves together instead of drift apart ,
so take my hand and well go somewhere far ,
where i can take you with me to find shooting stars .

there , she floats .

`there she floats ,
lost in a world of blue ,
her dress shrouds her in white ,
creating the imagery of a ghost ,
a ghost long past forgotten ,
she floats ,
her lips closed ,
her face a frozen frame of time ,
frozen in a silent terror ,
her hair falls like a veil ,
surrounding a face paused in life ,
eyes forever closed in an eternal slumber ,
she floats ,
a victim of the sea's wrath ,
a victim , a victim of the world's fury ,
of its hate and violence ,
a victim of an unfortunate reality ,
there she floats ,
unmoving and undisturbed ,
lost , the maiden of the sea ,
her life stolen and cut short ,
there she floats ,
slowly sinking ; undisturbed ,
in her watery tomb ,
there she floats and slowly sinks .

little laury - a short poetic story .

" so here's a story for little tikes ,
a tale full of dread and fright ,
so if youre scared run and hide ,
from the monsters that lurk inside ,
lock your closet , check under your bed ,
run from the fears that nest in you head ,
so now its time to hear my story ,
of a foolish girl by the name of laury . "

` little miss laury on a bright , sunny day ,
decided she would go out and play ,
so with haste , she did all of her chores ,
and without a word walked out of the door ,
she didnt believe in the tales she was told ,
of the monsters outside that were heartless and cold ,
she thought it all just folly and play ,
but little miss laury never returned that day ,
if only she had listened to what they had said ,
of how these monsters must be properly fed ,
and how they adore small , little girls ,
especially ones with ringlets and curls ,
maybe then little laury would not have said ' hello ' ,
to the large , dark figure hidden in shadow ,
because that figure was in fact a monster ,
who quickly grabbed her and then devoured ,
all that was left of her was her right shoe ,
and the townspeople knew not what to do ,
because no one knew what happened to poor , little laury ,
and that my kiddies is the end of the story .

' So the moral of this chapter would be ,
BEWARE of the monsters that roam the streets ,
because you could end up like poor , little laury ,
a tragic ending to an eerie story .

TRUTH.

with these words I tell the truth
of every child that's gone missing
of every girl that's been hurt
all the children who are beaten
they're screaming into the night
they call to you for help and yet
all you do is turn away
there's not enough to feed the hungry
and weary soldiers fall each day
the healthy grow sick and the sick lay dying
the government's eyes witness
and yet we are still crying
how do you sleep still at night
being the cause of so much pain
how can you live each day at ease
when we know no relief
our voices are stifled so that the truth may not leak
but I refuse to walk in a predetermined path
a road in which you chose for us
the truth is that we know no freedom
our rights are stripped away as we are born
our hands are chained to their will
we are their puppets and watch as they pull our strings
as they wind us up and watch us dance
their sick spin of racism and hate
day by day we sink deeper
into this pit of self corruption
stereotypes , casualties , and sinning
each wrong doing cracking a deeper scar into the world
a globe of glass reaching its point to shatter
there's a difference between me and them
my voice will not be stopped
my eyes will not turn away
my heart will bleed for those who suffer
and I wear those lost on my shoulder and my heart on my sleeve
i will carry this cruel world on my back
of every baby lost
of every blade that cut my skin
for every tear i have shed
unlike them i will have my own freedom
i will not allow myself any regrets
i will allow compassion into my heart
so i ask you how you can live
with all this on you mind

WORDS.

my hollow words falling into unlistening ears,
echoing and reverberating off empty walls,
trapped in the confinments of their own gruesome and hellish demise,
gasping and choking on your own despair,
suffocating as misery and distain morph to one,
battering your soul with grotesque and gorified indecency,
grasping, tearing, ripping and shredding your heart,
bleeding it into corruption; into a brutal temptation,
intoxicating you with lies of tragic suffering,
seducing you with enthralling and etherall beings,
watch helplessly in angst as your heart withers,
the inner beauty stripped away and revealing bare and raw horror,
molding and sculpting it shamefully into a tomb,
a tomb where sins and disastser lurk, where they are locked within,
a tomb buried forever in chains and shackles; never to be resurrected again,
a crypt for dead longings and broken dreams,
shattered into this world of vile misleadings,
with its' sadistic cruelties and mundane casualties,
sacrifice liberation to be condemned into purgatory,
watch as the Almighty and Lucifer clash,
bent on throwing the equilibrium of the world overboard,
content with their horrific destruction,
into the raging torrent of redemption,
vindication. mutilation. rejection.
your protective wall deteriorates,
you realize now that what suffices you,
succumbs to the inevitable.

WAR.

i look around but am not truly seeing
my hands reach out but grasp nothing
but the silence that has engulfed my body
my mind is withering
fighting back the clawing nails of insanity
running without success from the anxieties
the ones that whisper fear into the back of my mind
my eyes are not my own , not the same
now filled with the images of
land made of bodies without breath
of red stained dirt and death
my ears bleed with the sound of their screams
the ones of my dying comrades
their screams join together
forming a single plea
in those screams , those fading eyes ,
you see their last cry of hope
you see their mother's tears or daughter's shattered heart
you see their wife's soundless sobs or their sons fallen prayers
in those screams you hear their fear
you watch their family and friends take their final breath with them
as their eyes dull and that dying soldier's heart stops beating
you see a piece of their soul die along with that soldier
whose life was stolen away by the hands of destruction
by the cruel hands of war

WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE.

a tragedy of a twisted
romeo and juliet where
ring around the rosie
has not stopped yet, a
song of pain a song
of death, you invisioning
your last breath, a
sick and morbid story
of two lost lovers trapped
in a world of discontent
and agony, where little
girls cry rape into the
night into unlistening
passerby’s ears, where
little boys are trained
to be monsters and
where nightmares are
born and bred, pull the
trigger, oh death-ridden
juliet, join your romeo
in his hell bed, rip
open the ground and
embrace the satanic
flames of your sanctuary
pull the trigger thus ending
our sick story of william shakespeare’s fantasy.


COPY & PASTE MY FIST IN YO' MOUTH, NOT MY SHIT.

FUCK THE ECONOMY,

AND FUCK YOU.

askfja;klfjafj. that's how i feel. just like that, like a big mess of jumbled up words and stuff. :x it's because life, at the moment, is like a big lever that's stuck on the setting, 'DIFFICULT'. and it just won't budge. money's tight wiff my mom, and i'm trying to help out, but i dunno how. i've been looking for work, but no one seems to be hiring, fuck the economy. and fuck george bush for screwing it up before his term was over. ive been trying to make shit easier on her, but so far, it's not working well. she snaps at everything, and as understanding as i try to be, i can't fucking be a saint. i hope things get a little better for her though, for us. for everyone, really. i'm doing my best now, to stay out of trouble, that way she won't be so stressed out. i'm already going to court and i'm probably going to have to do some community service, so i'm pretty sure my mother doesn't need to deal with me getting into anymore trouble, does she? that goes out to you annoying fucks who can't get enough of bugging me. i'm trying to keep my grades up too, i think i've done pretty well on that so far(: tests and shit, they've been easy. you know what tops it all off though? my mom and i are like dying, we're so sick. i hateeee being sick, holyfuckk. seriously, shit needs to chilllll.

i love my mom, i can't not love her, she's my mom. she has taken care of me, sacrificed everything for me. no matter how she treats me, i can't help but love her and want what's best for her. i'd give up anything for my mother, i don't care what she tells me, what she calls me, what she does to me. i can't not love her, she could hold a gun to my head and tell me she wished i would die, and i would still feel the conviction of love i do for her now. she is my mother. she may call me worthless, she may call me ungrateful, a bitch, she can abuse me with every word that comes from her mouth, but point blank is this, i can't live without her being there. i'll just keep trying to win over her approval, to make her proud, and no matter how many times i may fail, i'll continue to keep trying, because i love her with all of my heart, even if i wonder how much she loves me. but yeah, to all the annoying, little girls, the annoying, little boys, all your hateful words, and tough shit masks, to the economy and to incompassion, fuck you(:

THE BURN JOURNALS - BRENT RUNYON

this is such a kick ass fucking book and a true story no less. it's about this kid who keeps trying to kill himself and is fucked up in his head. and one day he sets himself on fire, but it hurts so much that he starts freaking out and calls 911. you follow the months he goes through in intensive care and therepy and all the emotional challenges he faces. it's really a great book, and i'm going to type a peice from it right here, i swear this book is fucking hilarious and just fucking awesome.

"Should I do it?

Yes. Do it.

I strike the match, but it doesn't light. Try again.

I light the match. Nothing happens. I bring it closer to my wrist and then it goes up, all over me, eating through me everywhere. I can't breathe. I'm screaming, "Craig! Craig!"

I fall down. I'm going to die. I'm going to find out what death is like. I'm going to know. But nothing's happening. I stand. I don't know how to stand, but I do, and I turn on the shower. I 'm breathing water and smoke. I unlock the door and open it. My hand is all black. I walk out. There's Craig and Rusty, our dog, next to him. They have the same expression on their faces.

Craig yells something and runs downstairs. I think he's calling 911. I'm following him. He hands me the phone and runs off. There's a woman on the phone asking me questions. I try to tell her what's happened, but my voice sounds choked and brittle. There's something wrong with my voice."

- THE BURN JOURNALS, by BRENT RUNYON, pages 20-21.

"Mom says Maggie is too sick to have surgery. Maggie and I are the same because we both got hurt the same day and we have the same problems, but i'm doing a little better. That's good. I'm winning."

- THE BURN JOURNALS, by BRENT RUNYON, page 35.

this book is a really good read and some of it's really fucked up, while other parts are flat out funny and awkward. read it, just trust me on this one.

SCHOOOOOOL, ain't so cooool.

MOOD: tired.

DATE: september 15, 2009

LISTENING TO: foster's home for imaginary friends.

SO CHICKADEES,

don't ask, my pops calls people chickadees sometimes and it popped into my mind, go figure. anyways, so yeah, i started school the second of septemeber and let me tell you, it's been DISASTER ever since. i swear it's like the school was made to fuck us all over. you know we gotta wear uniforms now? yeah, even for FUCKING GYM. what bullshit is that? no skirts, has to be skorts, and they have to be to your knees. i guess that's so the sluts blowing the teachers for better grades dont walk around with red marks on their knees showing. MUST WEAR A GREY SHIRT WITH NOTHING ON IT FOR GYM. you know how many times they've said this? it's like burned into my fucking memory. pants must not be skinny, but can be straight legged, no boots, boys shirts must be tucked in and a normal belt must be worn. the principal even made announcements throughout the fucking day, IN EACH FUCKING PERIOD, to have the boys stand up and make sure their shirts were tucked in. like anyone listened to that shitttttt. high school has become a fucking nazi camp, i swear theyre one step away from telling us how we are allowed to wear our hair and the mandatory length it must be, it seems that way anywhoos.

my teacher was rambling about evil and she said that an evil person is bent on taking the happiness from others. i said, then isn't our principal evil, because he sure as hell is determined to make this place pretty unhappy. people laughed, my teacher looked nervous, as if there was like a tiny microcamera in the classroom displaying what was going on in another room. maybe there was, i wouldn't be surprised. or maybe she just naturally has a nervous look. and my gym teacher, oh dear lord. i think he was once an aspiring drill sergant who just wasn't good enough. he's this loud, bald guy who makes us run two laps each day and goes on and on about if you can't run two damn laps, i gotta spend more physical training with you! and i already have a lotttt of physical training planned for you! with like this sick smile, he creeps me out, i mean it. everyone says we should all be scared of him, i believe them. i go to a nazi camp school with drill sergant gym teachers and cardboard cafeteria food, sure am livin' the sweet lifeeeee, yah know? yeah, no. and some of the kids in my class are so fucking stupid i want to stand up and walk out of the room.

i want summer back already -____________- summer vacation anyways (: haha.

i'll chat to you fools a little later.

signing off :

destiny m. isabella f.