Tuesday, October 6, 2009


askfja;klfjafj. that's how i feel. just like that, like a big mess of jumbled up words and stuff. :x it's because life, at the moment, is like a big lever that's stuck on the setting, 'DIFFICULT'. and it just won't budge. money's tight wiff my mom, and i'm trying to help out, but i dunno how. i've been looking for work, but no one seems to be hiring, fuck the economy. and fuck george bush for screwing it up before his term was over. ive been trying to make shit easier on her, but so far, it's not working well. she snaps at everything, and as understanding as i try to be, i can't fucking be a saint. i hope things get a little better for her though, for us. for everyone, really. i'm doing my best now, to stay out of trouble, that way she won't be so stressed out. i'm already going to court and i'm probably going to have to do some community service, so i'm pretty sure my mother doesn't need to deal with me getting into anymore trouble, does she? that goes out to you annoying fucks who can't get enough of bugging me. i'm trying to keep my grades up too, i think i've done pretty well on that so far(: tests and shit, they've been easy. you know what tops it all off though? my mom and i are like dying, we're so sick. i hateeee being sick, holyfuckk. seriously, shit needs to chilllll.

i love my mom, i can't not love her, she's my mom. she has taken care of me, sacrificed everything for me. no matter how she treats me, i can't help but love her and want what's best for her. i'd give up anything for my mother, i don't care what she tells me, what she calls me, what she does to me. i can't not love her, she could hold a gun to my head and tell me she wished i would die, and i would still feel the conviction of love i do for her now. she is my mother. she may call me worthless, she may call me ungrateful, a bitch, she can abuse me with every word that comes from her mouth, but point blank is this, i can't live without her being there. i'll just keep trying to win over her approval, to make her proud, and no matter how many times i may fail, i'll continue to keep trying, because i love her with all of my heart, even if i wonder how much she loves me. but yeah, to all the annoying, little girls, the annoying, little boys, all your hateful words, and tough shit masks, to the economy and to incompassion, fuck you(: