Tuesday, February 9, 2010

i taste the filter in my mouth, watch the smoke from my cigarette swirl up and settle into the rest of the polluted night air. the nicotine fills my system, my nerves loosen and the night is still. everything is still. a look to my left reveals empty beer cans and vodka bottles littering the surface of a hard, wooden table. a look to my right? scattered pieces of a dutch used to roll, and the bitter smell of marajuana, grey ashes and cigarette butts carelessly left in one corner. various snack foods and trash thrown about, all sorts of music heard, all holding some kind of techno, screamo or indie-esque quality. this is the scene, common teenagers, dripping with the scents of drugs, alcohol, sex, drama, indecision and smoke. our eyes dilated, our minds drunk off of simply living. can you look in the mirror, or any reflective surface, and say you are different? take that tape across your mouth off, the piece that says LIAR in bold, sharpie ink. deep down, inside of us all is each other, we are all derived from one thing, and we are all connected. we are all copies of each other, imperfect copies, that through the years took on subtle changes. if you strip us, though, rip off our masks and bleed out all our insecurities, beneath the bricks we are all hollow. we are all bones and feelings, nothing more. we are all one of the same. i close my eyes, letting the euphoria of all these revelations take over me and i sigh. its a sigh of contentment because i understand. i understand what life is, i understand reality and what surrounds me, the only thing i cant understand is myself, but im okay with that. life is adventure, experiences and moments that stay engraved on your skin and in your heart. you have all the time in the world to understand yourself, i dont want to waste the time i have to make memories on trying to analyze myself. ill grow, learn and change with every passing day, either for the better or worse. ive got scars, ive got someone screaming inside of me, and thats okay. i bask in these nights, when its just me and those who love me, surrounded by the crisp night air. the stars scattered across the sky, barely visible but you know that they are still there. crazy hormones, countless doubts, and adrenaline pumping swiftly through our thin veins. insanity, bittersweet and exhilarating. youthful nights, when you know you have all your life ahead of you, so many more stories to create and tell. when in the spur of the moment you can all hold hands and dive off a cliff without regret. the feeling of knowing you can fly, the rush of knowing these are some of the best times youll have. never let it go, because i wont. were not all robots, we are human. we are going to make so many mistakes, our emotions will control us and we will possibly drown, but the rollar coaster rides are what makes this life. the tears, the smiles, the laughter, the harsh words and rage, each is a peice of who we are, and i love it all. we will find love and lose it, we will break down and build up, we will ultimately lose our minds to gain complete sanity. are you ready? cus im not, and that's just the way i want it.

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