Tuesday, February 9, 2010

angst-ridden teens, basking in their prepubescence. when i close my eyes its like ive opened a door to a new world, different scenarios pretaining to my deepest desires. i can feel the rush of ice water surrounding my ankles and biting my skin. a rush of chills racing over my pale skin, my blood pumping with adrenaline. i can smell it, taste the salt that's heavy in the air. i hear the crashing, the rolling of violent waves. can you see the blue water beneath my skin? our eyes are security cameras stuck within the sockets. you watch me, watch me tread the border of sanity and an abyss of nothing. you watch me, keeping your distance because you are afraid of me. they are all afraid of me, afraid that i am contagious. some would think the way my mind functions is close to insanity, not normal. there is no normalcy in this world. there is corruption, there is trauma and struggle. blood, screaming, bruises, bodies, so much hate and pain. that has become our 'normal' it has become what we live with day by day, a numbing realization. an acceptance, a welcome to pain and a lost hope for anything more. but then, there are some. some that struggle to wade their way through the murky depths of our own hell and reach towards that sliver of hope still left. and when they reach it the world sees something beautiful. light, life, love, the touch of the wind on a summer's day, the calming smell of fresh fallen rain, the sound of music coming from the summer swallows. the world takes a step outside of that darkness it had once encased itself in and breathes in the air. inhales all the magic this world has left and glows from the inside out, just as we do. our pores bursting with light, our hearts leaping, shining, singing. this is all so new to me, these feelings, these sensations. i inhale and my body processes freedom. its beautiful. its as if ive opened my true eyes and the world is nothing but colors and beauty. i can catch glimpses of the old me, the girl i kept buried beneath my slipping sanity. shes finally come back, finally clawed through it all and broke the surface. i can rest at ease now, i feel content, i feel happy, i can smile. i am almost there.

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