Tuesday, April 20, 2010

when the air kisses my skin and there's nothing around me but the world and the music that's playing from my headphones, drowning everything out, my mind does an out of body departure and soars towards the stars. so far, far past the ground i stand on, far past the clouds that shade me, far past the moon, the planets, the sun, past everything and everyone until it's reached a certain point of timeless space and zero-gravity. floating there, while it sorts through the events that unfolded throughout the day, sorting through words and images. and when all the knowledge is settled, neat and compact, my mind spirals back towards me, cradling its revelations gently. life is so short, so traumatic, and yet so intensely beautiful. everything, no matter how simple or how complex, is always filled with the passion that life brings us. it offers us so many options, so many different routes to take, paths to walk down, with countless outcomes, until we reach one inevitable end. but isn't the ride amazing? walking home, the steady rhythm of my footsteps on the concrete in beat with the pound of the music playing in my ear, i just let my thoughts run away. tangle together and mesh with beauty, and some thoughts made me realize so much. there was such a simplicity in realizing how honestly happy i was that it left me breathless. i have such incredible people to spend my days with, to make me smile and laugh, and although there are those who may drive me up a wall from time to time, i still hold the dearest love for them. i've gone through only a piece of my lifetime and already my eyes have witnessed so much, my soul has experienced such heights and i've overcome such odds. and when i think about it, god it's astounding. to think that if one little thing had been altered, if there had been the slightest change in time or steps or anything, then a piece of your history could be completely erased and thus possibly creating a chain-reaction and altering an event ahead of that. an entire domino effect. if i'd changed a single thought, a single beat in my step, one slight shift of wind, everything could be different. but would you really want it to be? all the obstacles that i've come out of, with all the scenes i've witnessed, are what i am derived from. i am currently the person i am now, standing before you all, due to each sequence. my eyes have seen bloodshed, they've gone through countless hours of tears, my body, my soul and mind have metaphorically gone through hell and came out with only but several burns.

if we could somehow invert the images of what we see now, we might see the true colors of everyone, the proof of what scars they hold. i know that if i stood under a black light you'd see the stains life has left on me. tar dripping off of cut up skin, but my chest would have a shining hole, a light that would blind you because that's where my heart is placed and that is what keeps me going. chains would drag from my ankles and wrists, but i'd be able to walk each step with strength because i know that within me i have the power to always go on. it doesn't matter how far i sink, how many hands drag me farther down, i will always persevere to the top. i will always come out with a stronger soul. and you know what? i'll never have to do it alone, because in this world i have found those hearts that hold me. those hands that will lift me up even if my sky falls down. through all the storms that we still have to face, i know they'll be by my side. and dear god do i love them for it, i thrive off of their love and devotion, i thrive off of their happiness. i'd sacrifice my life, my all and everything for their smiles to live on for eternity, because i'd be nowhere near where i am without having had them. without their laughter, their voices, their smiles and their love, i would not be me. i am a piece of all of those around me, they are who i am, they are who created me, and all the compassion, all the hope and integrity that i give to the world is because of the purity in their hearts that i see. such beautiful people, with such honest hearts inside of them. they may never be able to see it, but dear lord do i. i see so much potential in them all. i see so much light within each of them, they are the stars that scatter across my night, they are always and forever going to be my reason to live, i can never emphasize that enough. they are who i am continuing for. all my struggles, all my hardships? i fight through for them, because they are the light at the end of my tunnel.

it's a shame i wrote this for a girl who never appreciated my friendship,
but instead made it seem real on the surface when in fact underneath it all, it was hollow.

i see so much beauty in you. unyielding generosity and such strength, but every now and then i see it waver and it kills me. there is so much that life has to offer you, but sometimes i witness you pass it up. god, i don't want you to. i want you to realize how much you have within you, and to grab hold of that and just force it out. you need to push, climb your way to the top. you have your whole life to sort through all these little things. lost love, new love, unrequited love and unfound love, these little crushes, the scraps and bruises, the tears and angry words, there's time for all that, but right now you need to be you. all of you, and not hide that from the world ever, because the purity that i see inside that heart of yours in endless. your're so much more lovely than words can express. don't let the little things tear that pretty smile from your face, ever; it's too beautiful a sight to see. you have so much more left to see, so much more room to grow and so many more people to meet. things may seem hard now, but they will only get harder so you shouldn't dwell on the past nor the things that try to get you down now. there is no time for complaints of even the smallest of things, because there is too much that you have to smile about. and through whatever you go through, you know i will be there. i don't care what happens or how things get, i don't care about anything but making sure you're okay. i will always be there to hold you when you're crying, i will always be there, tissue in hand, wiping the tears and running makeup from your face. you will always be able to count on me because you've shown me that you'll be there to care about me no matter what. you gorgeous girl, you've pulled me through a lot. you've given me so many reasons to smile, you've given me so much love and hope, that i could never deny you my devotion. you mean so much more to me than you'll ever know, and no matter what, no matter how i'm feeling, no matter how bad things get, that fact will never change. you'll always be my little sister, and i will always be there to love you and to try my best to protect you. never doubt that. ever.


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