here i am again, rushing in like violent waves, the water beneath my skin pouring out to greet the world. adam and eve's garden has overflowed with calamity, destruction and chaos let loose through the preverse temptations of humanity's carnal instincts. lust, greed, gluttony, three sins banded together to overthrow all equilibrium the universe holds. and there it is, the light at the end of a darkened, dripping tunnel. a tattered, wearing thread of hope that all humanity clings so desperately to. broken wings, dripping with confusion and betrayl, torn skin and wild hair framing such a porcelain face. our fallen angel. our broken dreams and shattered spirits, all formed and molded together to rest inside the soul of this poor creature.

( i don't know where i am going with this. but i'll update it when i think of more to add. )

god, ive been drowning for so long.

the tides are rushing in, can your love save me this time?

all i need tonight, is your body heat entwined with mine.

your voice was the soundtrack of my summer,

do you know youre unlike any other?

you'll always be my thunder.

have you ever been afraid of yourself? afraid to be alone with yourself, afraid to think, to speak, to be locked inside of your mind because you dont know what may lurk inside your thoughts? i have. im the only person who truly frightens myself. your own self is always going to be your greatest enemy, you can lead to your greatest downfall. im scared to be left alone, to feel alone, because then i think. when i think, its dangerous. when i think i slip into this downward slope. sometimes my mind is so dark i dont know how to find my way out, find my way towards the light. the walls of my head drip with tar, rusty, jagged points protrude from their depths and slimy, thick vines race along the edges. my mind is tattered and worn, and everyday it wears thinner. who knows what will happen when i reach the end of my road, who knows who will be there waiting, im ready for the ride though, and anything that comes my way.

i taste the filter in my mouth, watch the smoke from my cigarette swirl up and settle into the rest of the polluted night air. the nicotine fills my system, my nerves loosen and the night is still. everything is still. a look to my left reveals empty beer cans and vodka bottles littering the surface of a hard, wooden table. a look to my right? scattered pieces of a dutch used to roll, and the bitter smell of marajuana, grey ashes and cigarette butts carelessly left in one corner. various snack foods and trash thrown about, all sorts of music heard, all holding some kind of techno, screamo or indie-esque quality. this is the scene, common teenagers, dripping with the scents of drugs, alcohol, sex, drama, indecision and smoke. our eyes dilated, our minds drunk off of simply living. can you look in the mirror, or any reflective surface, and say you are different? take that tape across your mouth off, the piece that says LIAR in bold, sharpie ink. deep down, inside of us all is each other, we are all derived from one thing, and we are all connected. we are all copies of each other, imperfect copies, that through the years took on subtle changes. if you strip us, though, rip off our masks and bleed out all our insecurities, beneath the bricks we are all hollow. we are all bones and feelings, nothing more. we are all one of the same. i close my eyes, letting the euphoria of all these revelations take over me and i sigh. its a sigh of contentment because i understand. i understand what life is, i understand reality and what surrounds me, the only thing i cant understand is myself, but im okay with that. life is adventure, experiences and moments that stay engraved on your skin and in your heart. you have all the time in the world to understand yourself, i dont want to waste the time i have to make memories on trying to analyze myself. ill grow, learn and change with every passing day, either for the better or worse. ive got scars, ive got someone screaming inside of me, and thats okay. i bask in these nights, when its just me and those who love me, surrounded by the crisp night air. the stars scattered across the sky, barely visible but you know that they are still there. crazy hormones, countless doubts, and adrenaline pumping swiftly through our thin veins. insanity, bittersweet and exhilarating. youthful nights, when you know you have all your life ahead of you, so many more stories to create and tell. when in the spur of the moment you can all hold hands and dive off a cliff without regret. the feeling of knowing you can fly, the rush of knowing these are some of the best times youll have. never let it go, because i wont. were not all robots, we are human. we are going to make so many mistakes, our emotions will control us and we will possibly drown, but the rollar coaster rides are what makes this life. the tears, the smiles, the laughter, the harsh words and rage, each is a peice of who we are, and i love it all. we will find love and lose it, we will break down and build up, we will ultimately lose our minds to gain complete sanity. are you ready? cus im not, and that's just the way i want it.

can you see it? how each day is a blessing in disguise, how each simple word, each of the smallest actions can create the largest impact. a domino effect, a chain reaction. you have so much more power in this world than you allow yourself to see. you can choose to go down a path of compassion or travel down a road of violence, permanantly searching for redemption. ive seen both sides of the mirror, peered through the looking glass and fell out into the other side. ive visited both sides of the ying yang, ive embraced both good and evil. there was a time where i was an angel amongst heaven, and a time where i fell from my grace and my wings withered away. now i struggle, i struggle to sew my wings back on and fly. i lost myself, let myself drown in pressure and deciet. i allowed my heart to be swallowed whole by lies and broken trust, let my hope be dragged through rubbish and tarnished to the point of no return. when i fell, i fell hard. i pulled myself in, vacum tight, and refused to let myself out no matter how hard i screamed inside. the stress built up until it reached the point where it overflowed, waves that overwhelmed me. i let my mind grow black and anger consume me. eventually i pulled myself out, with the hands of others who wouldnt let go, and i found myself again. i walked inside of myself and found the real me, cradled in a dark corner, tears in her eyes but strength in her smile. i took her hand and led her out of the maze that was my insanity, and allowed the sun to kiss her face at last. all of my conviction, all of my passion, it came rushing back in a flood of colors and sensations. beautiful, it was. to breathe in once more, to be able to express the compassion i had thought id lost. to finally be free.

i taste you in the air, my soul can feel you there. oh, this love has swept me into a world ive drowned in. will you come find me or leave me in this desolate wasteland? i drink in your scent, visualizing a better world for us, raining magic and song, where my voice is your lullaby. take my hand, i'll show you all the beauty this world has hidden behind darkened corners. you have no idea yet, of what i have to offer. you've never seen the world through my eyes, you've not yet witnessed the planet in the aspect that i do. hidden treasures in open spaces, beautiful magic in the simplest places.